Sunday, May 17, 2009


Usually the photos I pick are a wry or pertinent insight into the point of the article. That may also be true this week, but I picked this one mainly because I get a kick out of seeing the words "Sean Hannity" and "douchebag" in the same caption

Next time you go to the polls, ask yourself which political party most closely reflects your views and should get your vote, PARTY 1, or PARTY 2. Here's a quick summary of their positions:


PARTY 1 is for punishment- severe punishment up to and including the death penalty- because there is no reason to coddle criminals or to show mercy to scumbags who didn't show any mercy to their victims. In fact, public executions would be a salutary way of deterring other persons from committing those crimes. Accused criminals should have to prove their innocence, and no petty technical details should get in the way of punishing the guilty. There should not be a privilege against self incrimination, no suspects should be warned that they have a right to remain silent, and evidence illegally seized should not be thrown out of a trial. Hearsay evidence, if it comes from the government, should be allowed in trials. Military commissions should be used to try enemies of the State.

PARTY 2: let the punishment fit the crime, and in some instances, the accused. Be rational, reasonable, and show respect to the accused and to his or her rights under the law. Those rights include Due Process of law, including the rights to counsel, to confront witnesses, to subpoena witnesses, to proof beyond a reasonable doubt, and to trial by jury in all cases- even those involving foreign terrorists. The death penalty is inhumane and can never be administered fairly, so it should be abolished, along with all other cruel and unusual punishments, including anything approaching torture.


PARTY 1: the government, not the woman or her doctor, makes decisions concerning a woman's reproductive choices. Abortion is a crime, and the woman who engages in it should be criminally prosecuted.

PARTY 2: a woman's body is hers and she should make decisions concerning her health and whether she wants to bear a child or take a pregnancy to term.


PARTY 1: the government can and should regulate public morals, including prostitution, pornography, indecent dress by women and men, indecent music lyrics, and other forms of expression which are sexually deviant. Homosexuality should be illegal and criminally prosecuted.

PARTY 2: people have the right to make their own choices as to which adults they have sex with, what they want to watch, what they wear, and what music they listen to, and it's none of the government's business.


PARTY 1: The government should prohibit all private consumption of mind altering drugs, even those drugs such as marijuana which may be prescribed by a physician for chemotherapy or glaucoma patients.

PARTY 2: So long as a person does not injure another human being, what an adult ingests is his or her own business and the government should not be involved.


PARTY 1: The country was founded on the basis of the majority religion of the country, and that religion should be recognized in official government places and in the morality of all government decision making, including judicial decisions.

PARTY 2: Religious choices- including the choice to have no religion or believe in no god- are the private decisions of individual citizens. The government should be completely religion free and strictly neutral in all its aspects, never favoring one religion in any decision.


PARTY 1. War is a necessary component of foreign policy. Maintaining a nuclear arsenal is an essential element of that policy, and those who want to dismantle nukes or who want to renounce the use of nuclear weapons should shut up- they are unpatriotic. During war collateral damage of persons who are a different religion and a different culture is not as significant as saving the lives of our citizens. Sometimes nasty actions on foreign soil have to be carried out to preserve our homeland security and our sacred way of life.

PARTY 2: War is a choice of the last resort, and should never be engaged in casually. All human beings are equally significant, and there is no such thing as "collateral damage," a euphemism for killing innocent civilians, which should be avoided at all costs. We should reduce our nuclear arsenal and etch in stone a policy of no first use of nuclear weapons.


PARTY 1: There is no room for dissent in the party. Either you are completely with the program, or you are out and should expect no sympathy or support from leaders of the party.

PARTY 2: There is plenty of room for dissenting opinions and no one will ever be drummed out for not being ideologically pure.


So, have you made your decision yet? Do you plan on voting for PARTY 1 in the next election because PARTY 1 most closely reflects your views, and their candidates are most like you? Congratulations! You have just chosen the party platform of the Taliban-- and also of the ruling Iranian Religious Party. Oh, you thought that you were voting Republican? That's OK, that's their platform, too. Don't believe it? Just go back and compare the public positions of the Taliban and the Iranian Government with those of the Republican Party on the above 7 issues. If you can find any significant differences between what I wrote and their positions, let me know and I'll buy you lunch if you can back it up. But don't count on it, and if you are a diehard Dick Cheney/Rush Limbaugh Republican, please don't let your head explode from the cognitive dissonance.


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